A certain type of man comes to see me, not often, but often enough.
He’s typically in his mid 30s to early 40s. Usually attractive. He looks after himself, always has, probably played sport when he was younger. He’s the sort of man who’s never had any trouble attracting female company. He’s been married for between ten and fifteen years. He has a couple of children in school, an attractive wife, a house in a reasonably good suburb, a late model car. He runs his own business or a family business. He’s well off compared to his peers.
I know what you’re thinking. Something long the lines of, “He’s got everything a man could possibly want. Why’s he seeing Jane?”
That’s what I thought the first time one of them came to see me.
He’s tried everything, and nothing works. He finds my advert or profile. He sees my age. And he thinks perhaps an older woman, one with plenty of experience, can give him what he craves.
Because nothing works for him.
He can get it up alright. He can last. He can do all the things he’s seen on porn. He’s tried everything he’s seen plus a few more besides, but there’s always that certain something missing.
I’m writing these blog posts because times have changed in the last few weeks. I have a lot of things I wanted to say at various times. Things I wanted to say to these men when they came to see me.
Good sex, excellent sex is nothing like porn videos.
Good sex doesn’t involve a guy with a mammoth sized dick shoving it as far as he can down a woman’s throat.
Good sex isn’t fucking the arse of a woman who’s anus is permanently dilated because she’s had so much anal sex.
Good sex doesn’t involve treating a woman like a piece of meat on a rotisserie.
Good sex is much easier, much simpler, and far more fun than any of the above.
Constantly striving for the next thrill will stop you from finding the one thing that’s easily within reach.
Do you know, I feel sorry for a lot of men under 40. They’ve grown up with porn. My generation didn’t. We had to work things out for ourselves – what worked and what didn’t – and it was so much fun finding out! We didn’t have a stylised idea of what sex was supposed to look like. What passed for porn in the 1970s and 80s could be on prime time TV these days. So we had no artificial standard to live down to.
Most of the porn on the net is American. With apologies to my American friends, I’m about to bag the shit out of you. Americans have radically different attitudes about sex compared to Aussies, Kiwis and most Europeans. In fact, compared to the rest of the world. I’ve experienced quite a few American men in my time and they were all, without exception, lousy lovers. Rough, verging on violent, with little respect for me as an individual or even a human being, and with little knowledge of basic female anatomy. I once had an argument with an American who tried to tell me that I urinated out of my vagina. I informed him I’d been urinating out of my urethra all my life, and if he cared to watch while I showed him, he was most welcome to.
So why do we hold up American porn as some sort of ideal as to what sex should be like?
Back to good sex. I seem to have, by and large, a happy clientele. I can tell they’re happy, firstly from the huge smile on their faces when they leave, secondly from the lovely messages and emails they send me, and thirdly by the fact that they keep on coming to see me. So I guess I’m doing something right, most of the time.
But it’s not me, it’s us.
Because good sex, phenomenal sex, is about genuinely sharing yourself with another human being.
If you lie there waiting for another experience, another thrill, it’s never going to happen. Reach out and grasp it with both hands. Give to the other person, whether it’s me, or you wife, or someone else. Really touch her. Feel her skin. Smell her scent. Bury your face in her hair or between her boobs. Enjoy her, and encourage her to do the same to you.
The best lovers I’ve had, not just recently, but over the last (almost) 50 years, have been men who could let go and allow themselves to give of themselves to their partner.
The ones who hold back are takers, not givers. Not only are they never any good in bed, they don’t actually get much out of sex for themselves.
Only by truly giving can you receive.
But it’s worth it, believe me, as many of you know already.
PS I’m in quarantine in Launceston for two weeks, but if you’d like a chat, I still have my phone!